Stutterers tend to see their stuttering in a solely negative and self-pittying way. Humour can help to get a alternative perspective and more balanced view. Of course every stutterer remembers the days when he has been the target of mockery (especially in childhood days), which can be very traumatic and lead to this "dead-serious" view of stuttering. Mockery is of course wrong, but there are of course other more appropriate forms of humour. I especially like jokes in which the stereotype of "the dumb stutterer" is inversed and where a stutterer proves to be extra-clever in the end. Intelligent humour could be an excellent way to make stuttering less a taboo and to carry informations about the subject in order to change typical stereotypes in society. Maybe it's about time for someone to produce an intelligent comedy or humourous melodrama (film or theater play) about stuttering?
A stutterer returned from a two-week intensive stuttering therapy
program in a distant city. His friends asked how the therapy had gone.
"Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers," the stutterer said,
completely fluent.
His friends expressed amazement.
"Y-y-y-yes, b-b-b-but it's h-h-hard t-to w-w-work th-that into a
c-c-c-conversation," he said.
----------
A man with a stutter is visiting the doctor.
"How's the stutter?", asks the doctor.
"It's g-getting better. My mate calls me D-Donkey," replies the man.
"Any idea why?" The doctor asks.
"No, but he aw he aw he aw he always calls me that."
--------------
A bus driver asks a rider "C-C-Can I see your T-T-Ticket P-P-Please", and the man replies "N-N-No P-P-Problem here you G-G-Go".
Next day the same guy rides the bus and the bus driver asks "C-C-Can I see your T-T-Ticket P-P-Please", and the man replies with perfect fluency "No Problem here it is".
The bus driver replies "Aha, so you are fluent after all. So you were just making fun of me yesterday, how rude."
The passenger replies "N-N-No I am a S-S-Stutterer. I was J-J-Just making fun of Th-Th-The fluent people on the bus."
-------------
Guy goes into a bar. Bartender says "what'll ya have, fella?"
Guy says: "S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-scotch n-n-n-n-n-n s-s-s-s-s-soda."
Barkeep fills the order, hands it to the guy, who says "th-th-th-th-th-thanks."
Barkeep leans over the counter, motions to the guy, looks left & right, and whispers "Friend, I know this ain't none of my business, but you know, I used to stutter a whole lot. But my wife found the cure. You interested?"
"Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sure|" says the Guy. Barkeep looks again, left & right.
"My wife heard about this cure: she performed all *kinds* of magical, passionate, kinky sex on me and with me and I was cured right then and there"
Guy thanks the bartender, tips him generously, and leaves. A week later the guy comes back into the bar.
"What'll it be tonight, Friend?" asks the barkeep.
Guy: "Yes, my good man, would you please mix for me one of your stupendous Scotch and Sodas, please?"
Barkeep: "Sure thing, Friend, and your speech is incredible. Glad to see you got rid of your stuttering"
Guy: "Thank you, kind sir. And may I say that you have a very nice house."
---------
One day, a guy with a horrible stuttering problem went to his doctor. "D-d-d-docter, is t-t-t-there anything t-t-that you c-c-c-can do for my stuttering?"
The doc says, “Well, I’ll have to examine you first before I can answer you. ”
The doc examines him and says, “Well, I’m pretty sure that I know what the problem is. ”
The guy asks, “wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc? ”
The doc says, ”It’s your penis. It’s about about 18 inches long and all of the down pressure is putting a strain on your vocal chords. ”
The guy asks, “Wwwhat ccan wwe ddo about it? ”
The doc replies, “Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one. I can guarantee that the operation will cure your stuttering. ”
The guy says, “Dddo it! ”
So the man went in for surgery, and it was sucessful. He came back into the doctor's office a couple of weeks later.
You`ve solved my problem and I don`t stutter any more but I`ve only had sex once in the past month. My wife doesn`t enjoy it any more. I cannot satisfy her. She liked my long penis. I don`t care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long one back one!"
The doctor hesitates for a minute and then says, "I d-d-d-on't th-th-think-k-k-k that wo-wo-wo-ould b-be p-p-pos-s-s-ib-b-ble."
---------
One day this guy with a stuttering problem walked up to the foreman and said, “I wwwouldd lllike a jjob pppllleaase.”
A stutterer returned from a two-week intensive stuttering therapy
program in a distant city. His friends asked how the therapy had gone.
"Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers," the stutterer said,
completely fluent.
His friends expressed amazement.
"Y-y-y-yes, b-b-b-but it's h-h-hard t-to w-w-work th-that into a
c-c-c-conversation," he said.
----------
A man with a stutter is visiting the doctor.
"How's the stutter?", asks the doctor.
"It's g-getting better. My mate calls me D-Donkey," replies the man.
"Any idea why?" The doctor asks.
"No, but he aw he aw he aw he always calls me that."
--------------
A bus driver asks a rider "C-C-Can I see your T-T-Ticket P-P-Please", and the man replies "N-N-No P-P-Problem here you G-G-Go".
Next day the same guy rides the bus and the bus driver asks "C-C-Can I see your T-T-Ticket P-P-Please", and the man replies with perfect fluency "No Problem here it is".
The bus driver replies "Aha, so you are fluent after all. So you were just making fun of me yesterday, how rude."
The passenger replies "N-N-No I am a S-S-Stutterer. I was J-J-Just making fun of Th-Th-The fluent people on the bus."
-------------
Guy goes into a bar. Bartender says "what'll ya have, fella?"
Guy says: "S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-scotch n-n-n-n-n-n s-s-s-s-s-soda."
Barkeep fills the order, hands it to the guy, who says "th-th-th-th-th-thanks."
Barkeep leans over the counter, motions to the guy, looks left & right, and whispers "Friend, I know this ain't none of my business, but you know, I used to stutter a whole lot. But my wife found the cure. You interested?"
"Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sure|" says the Guy. Barkeep looks again, left & right.
"My wife heard about this cure: she performed all *kinds* of magical, passionate, kinky sex on me and with me and I was cured right then and there"
Guy thanks the bartender, tips him generously, and leaves. A week later the guy comes back into the bar.
"What'll it be tonight, Friend?" asks the barkeep.
Guy: "Yes, my good man, would you please mix for me one of your stupendous Scotch and Sodas, please?"
Barkeep: "Sure thing, Friend, and your speech is incredible. Glad to see you got rid of your stuttering"
Guy: "Thank you, kind sir. And may I say that you have a very nice house."
---------
One day, a guy with a horrible stuttering problem went to his doctor. "D-d-d-docter, is t-t-t-there anything t-t-that you c-c-c-can do for my stuttering?"
The doc says, “Well, I’ll have to examine you first before I can answer you. ”
The doc examines him and says, “Well, I’m pretty sure that I know what the problem is. ”
The guy asks, “wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc? ”
The doc says, ”It’s your penis. It’s about about 18 inches long and all of the down pressure is putting a strain on your vocal chords. ”
The guy asks, “Wwwhat ccan wwe ddo about it? ”
The doc replies, “Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one. I can guarantee that the operation will cure your stuttering. ”
The guy says, “Dddo it! ”
So the man went in for surgery, and it was sucessful. He came back into the doctor's office a couple of weeks later.
You`ve solved my problem and I don`t stutter any more but I`ve only had sex once in the past month. My wife doesn`t enjoy it any more. I cannot satisfy her. She liked my long penis. I don`t care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long one back one!"
The doctor hesitates for a minute and then says, "I d-d-d-on't th-th-think-k-k-k that wo-wo-wo-ould b-be p-p-pos-s-s-ib-b-ble."
---------
One day this guy with a stuttering problem walked up to the foreman and said, “I wwwouldd lllike a jjob pppllleaase.”
The foreman said, “I would really like to son, but with that stuttering problem you have, I can’t. We have a lot of bricks that fall around here and by the time you got the words out, someone would get hurt.”
The stutterer said, “Bbbbutt I rrreally nnneed a jjobb.”
The foreman said, “Look, if you go home and practice saying ‘falling bricks’ and can say it without stuttering, I will give you a job.”
So the stutterer went home and practiced for two weeks, and came back. He walked up to the foreman and said, “I wwwould like that jjjobb now.”
The foreman said, “Let me hear you say falling bricks”
The stutter replied by saying, “ffallling bbricks.”
The foreman said that was pretty quick. So the foreman hired him and the first day went by and nothing happened.
The second day went by and nothing happened.
The third day went by and this stutter saw a brick falling right for the foreman.
He stuttered, “ffffffff…” and the brick hit the foreman and the stutterer said, “fffffucking got him!”
-------------
And this one is the best:
THREE MEN WITH A STUTTER
There was an Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman who had been friends from childhood. The reason: They all had a terrible stutter and always felt a lot more at ease in each other's company because of the same affliction. They were all out for a drink one night: Murphy the Irishman, Hamish the Scot, and Tom the Englishman.
Entering the pub, Murphy said to the two other lads,"iiiiiiiitt's mmmmmmyyy rrrrrroooouund."
"Ooooooookkkkkkk," said the two others.
Murphy said to the barman. "pppppppiiinttt ooofff gggggginis,ddddddddddouble wwwwwwisky fffffffor hhhhhamish and a ppppint of bbbbitter."
"Coming right up sir," the barman and the barma puts the three drinks on the counter, Murphy pays for them and the barman says, "cheers!"
Murphy replies, "Chchchcheers!"
The three lads sit down at a table. A real good looking blonde woman was at the bar the same time Murphy was ordering the drinks. She called Jim the barman over and said, "Hey Jim, do all three of those guy's stutter?
"Yeah they have been coming in here for years. They have all tried everything to stop their stuttering: Acupuncture, Hypnotherapy, Pills, Potions, Faith healers, Speech therapy...You name it they have tried it."
"Ar poor blokes, I feel really sorry for them." The girl ordered a martini and sat down at the table with the three stuttering blokes. Intrigued by their stuttering, she felt impelled to listen to their conversation.
"A mmmurphy," said Jim, "ddo you knnow what? Wwwe bbbeen friends all ooour lives and not one of uuuus has hhhad a gggirlfriend or bbben aaasked out. DDDo yoou ttthink ists cccus we sssttutter?"
The young girl without thinking, leaned over the table and said to the blokes, "Yes, I think it's because of your stuttering." The three men could not take their eyes of this stunning girl with her plunging neckline!
Then she said, "I am going to give you a chance for one of you to take me out and have your wicked way with me, on one condition: You must pass my anti-stuttering test. You must say a simple sentence without stuttering. The one who says it without stuttering can take me out tomorrow night. The sentence must incorporate your name and where you live."
Tom says, "I'll ggo ffirst," thinking this is the chance of a lifetime. He really tries not to stutter. He then says, "My name's Tom and I come from Mmmmmmanchester"
"Oh, nearly," she said, "but not quite you stuttering babboon. Your go Hamish."
Hamish, his two hands clenched so tight he is almost breaking his knuckles says, "My name's Hamish and I llllllive in Glasgow."
"Oh, no you will never do."
"Ok, Mmmmmurphy yoooour go," said the two other lads."
Murphy, with both fingers and all toes crossed says, "My name's Murphy and I come from London....."
With this, the blonde woman cannot believe her ears. Being short for time, she plunged into Murphy's hand some paper and said to him, "Ring me on this number tomorrow night." And she scurried out of the pub very briskly. The two lads cannot believe what happened. They asked, "How diiiiiid you do thatttttt Mmmmmurphy?"
He turned to them with his head still tilted back as if he was still in mid-stutter and said, "ddddddddderry."
----------
A man came into a shop with a 'Salesman Wanted' sign In a window. He went up to the owner and said, "I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b." "I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment," said the owner.
"I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k-kkkids, iiii-I re-really neeeed thi-thi-this j-j-job!" said the man.
"O.K. Here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them." said the owner.
So the man went out and came back an hour later.
"H-here-sss your m-m-money." said the man. The owner was impressed, so he gave the man a dozen more Bibles and sent him out. The man came back in two hours and said, "Her-ers y-yooour m-m-money."
The owner said, "This is fantastic. You sold more Bibles in three hours than anyone has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?"
"W-welllll," said the man, "I r-r-ring the d-door bell, a-a-and s-s-say 'H-Hel-Hello, M-m-maaaaddam, d-d-do you w-w- want t-t t-to buy thi-thi-this B-B-Bible, oooor d-d-do y-you w-w-want m'me t-toooo read it t-t-t-t-to you?"
The stutterer said, “Bbbbutt I rrreally nnneed a jjobb.”
The foreman said, “Look, if you go home and practice saying ‘falling bricks’ and can say it without stuttering, I will give you a job.”
So the stutterer went home and practiced for two weeks, and came back. He walked up to the foreman and said, “I wwwould like that jjjobb now.”
The foreman said, “Let me hear you say falling bricks”
The stutter replied by saying, “ffallling bbricks.”
The foreman said that was pretty quick. So the foreman hired him and the first day went by and nothing happened.
The second day went by and nothing happened.
The third day went by and this stutter saw a brick falling right for the foreman.
He stuttered, “ffffffff…” and the brick hit the foreman and the stutterer said, “fffffucking got him!”
-------------
And this one is the best:
THREE MEN WITH A STUTTER
There was an Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman who had been friends from childhood. The reason: They all had a terrible stutter and always felt a lot more at ease in each other's company because of the same affliction. They were all out for a drink one night: Murphy the Irishman, Hamish the Scot, and Tom the Englishman.
Entering the pub, Murphy said to the two other lads,"iiiiiiiitt's mmmmmmyyy rrrrrroooouund."
"Ooooooookkkkkkk," said the two others.
Murphy said to the barman. "pppppppiiinttt ooofff gggggginis,ddddddddddouble wwwwwwisky fffffffor hhhhhamish and a ppppint of bbbbitter."
"Coming right up sir," the barman and the barma puts the three drinks on the counter, Murphy pays for them and the barman says, "cheers!"
Murphy replies, "Chchchcheers!"
The three lads sit down at a table. A real good looking blonde woman was at the bar the same time Murphy was ordering the drinks. She called Jim the barman over and said, "Hey Jim, do all three of those guy's stutter?
"Yeah they have been coming in here for years. They have all tried everything to stop their stuttering: Acupuncture, Hypnotherapy, Pills, Potions, Faith healers, Speech therapy...You name it they have tried it."
"Ar poor blokes, I feel really sorry for them." The girl ordered a martini and sat down at the table with the three stuttering blokes. Intrigued by their stuttering, she felt impelled to listen to their conversation.
"A mmmurphy," said Jim, "ddo you knnow what? Wwwe bbbeen friends all ooour lives and not one of uuuus has hhhad a gggirlfriend or bbben aaasked out. DDDo yoou ttthink ists cccus we sssttutter?"
The young girl without thinking, leaned over the table and said to the blokes, "Yes, I think it's because of your stuttering." The three men could not take their eyes of this stunning girl with her plunging neckline!
Then she said, "I am going to give you a chance for one of you to take me out and have your wicked way with me, on one condition: You must pass my anti-stuttering test. You must say a simple sentence without stuttering. The one who says it without stuttering can take me out tomorrow night. The sentence must incorporate your name and where you live."
Tom says, "I'll ggo ffirst," thinking this is the chance of a lifetime. He really tries not to stutter. He then says, "My name's Tom and I come from Mmmmmmanchester"
"Oh, nearly," she said, "but not quite you stuttering babboon. Your go Hamish."
Hamish, his two hands clenched so tight he is almost breaking his knuckles says, "My name's Hamish and I llllllive in Glasgow."
"Oh, no you will never do."
"Ok, Mmmmmurphy yoooour go," said the two other lads."
Murphy, with both fingers and all toes crossed says, "My name's Murphy and I come from London....."
With this, the blonde woman cannot believe her ears. Being short for time, she plunged into Murphy's hand some paper and said to him, "Ring me on this number tomorrow night." And she scurried out of the pub very briskly. The two lads cannot believe what happened. They asked, "How diiiiiid you do thatttttt Mmmmmurphy?"
He turned to them with his head still tilted back as if he was still in mid-stutter and said, "ddddddddderry."
----------
A man came into a shop with a 'Salesman Wanted' sign In a window. He went up to the owner and said, "I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b." "I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment," said the owner.
"I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k-kkkids, iiii-I re-really neeeed thi-thi-this j-j-job!" said the man.
"O.K. Here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them." said the owner.
So the man went out and came back an hour later.
"H-here-sss your m-m-money." said the man. The owner was impressed, so he gave the man a dozen more Bibles and sent him out. The man came back in two hours and said, "Her-ers y-yooour m-m-money."
The owner said, "This is fantastic. You sold more Bibles in three hours than anyone has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?"
"W-welllll," said the man, "I r-r-ring the d-door bell, a-a-and s-s-say 'H-Hel-Hello, M-m-maaaaddam, d-d-do you w-w- want t-t t-to buy thi-thi-this B-B-Bible, oooor d-d-do y-you w-w-want m'me t-toooo read it t-t-t-t-to you?"
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